How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
