Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
