Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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