Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
