i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
