i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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