don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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