what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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