you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
