yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
