your room smells of hookers.
And success
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize