I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
