bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
