Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
