The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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