Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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