TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
now i know why i became what i already was.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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