she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
