You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
