My nipple is on Facebook.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
