Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
