Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
