sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
