he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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