If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
