Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
