Babe...You're really smothering me right now
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.