I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture