This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
