i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
