your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
