Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize