Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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