i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
