i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
operation have a gay friend backfired
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
