I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize