What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
