I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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