That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
