i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize