no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
