please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
