I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
