i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
