That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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