She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
