You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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