I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
