what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
