i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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