it wasn't lemon gatorade
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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