my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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