He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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