Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
