i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
