Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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