I wish my penis had an off switch
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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