You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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