Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Of course I have a pirate flag
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
