They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
