fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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