Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
