1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I need to stop coming to work sober
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
