I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
tell me about the eggs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
